Emotions Dripping With Nostalgia
by the.x.phile
Summary: scully reviews her feelings about Mulder and has to make choice now...
1. Chapter 1: Realisation

**Hi :) This is my second fanfic and i worked really hard on it and i hope you enjoy it**

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The need was consuming her very being. Her existence. Had she known her feelings all those years ago, upon that fateful meeting with Fox Mulder, in the stuffy FBI basement, she may have been more determined to hide them from him. He completed her. And try as she might, she could not live without his compulsion to protect her or his unwillingness to leave her side. Back then, she hadn't known that her initial infatuation with him was merely the beginning of a blossoming love so strong, that it cannot be unbound by even the strongest forces at hand. Special Agent Dana Scully was in love. There. She said it. The Sceptic,The Scientist, The Rational One was in love. She was in love with the crazy, annoying, infuriating, hysterical man that answers to the name of Mulder. He was her Mulder.

She had dreamed about him touching her in ways that could only be accomplished by true lovers, and had heard him moan her name. But that was only fantasy. How could she know that he loved her as well? They shared the occasional innuendo and flirtatious glance, but that was all it was. Did any of that mean anything to him as much as it meant to her? Was this just part of some game? Some horrible, twisted game to get her to fall in love with him, only to reject her?

After all they had been through, would it be possible for either one of them to deny their true feelings any longer?

And then there was the technicality of 'does he love me?' or 'does she love me?'. Why did their feelings have to be of such pain and fear? If only there was some way of communicating to each other, their darkest, most private longings. They could have embraced their fears and desires, but only to create a connection that was already there.

Love.

A love so deep that it required no sexual intimacy to be complete, for their love was based on friendship, trust and respect. Their relationship was beyond what any lovers' could ever have. Or ever wish for. Mulder loved her. And in the very back of her mind, the part that she locked away, she knew it. But why ruin a great partnership if she was simply misreading the signs? How would she live with herself? Knowing that her only true friend, her protector, was now nothing but a distant memory because of her selfish actions.

Just thinking of this made her loathe herself for letting this man become so emotionally entwined in her life. She knew that she should ignore her feelings about him and continue with her work. God. Sometimes she hated the rational mind that is Dana Scully. Stick to the rules, follow the procedure and listen to protocol.

But how could she listen to the rules, when this had nothing to do with the FBI and everything to do with her personal life? Then again, fraternisation required proper re-assignment procedures. But nothing had happened between them, as much as Dana would have liked it to. She wasn't alone in her wishing that things would go further. Mulder had spent many a night fantasising about her, as had she about him.

But Mulder was old-fashioned. He wouldn't do anything unless he knew that it was what they both wanted.

It would change everything between them. They would go from friends and colleagues, to lovers, over the course of one night. But was that really what she wanted? There were consequences that come with getting involved with someone that you're so close to. In some ways it was what she wanted. She wanted to give every bit of herself completely to him. To trust him not only with her mind and her life, but with her heart.

But in other ways, she hated to be so vulnerable. To have her heart open and exposed to hurt, rejection and break. Dana had this strong mask of uprightness that covered all her 'flaws'. She kept a guard around her personal life and heart, and only let people who she trusted implicitly, enter. She had been scorned and weakened many times by partners that she let linger too close to her precious source of life, and had learned her lesson each time, but Mulder wouldn't do that to her.

Although, how could she be sure? She had thought that all those previous lovers wouldn't hurt her. Yet they had every time when it was too late for her to be in control. That vulnerability made her feel sick to the stomach. Mulder coursed through her veins. He kept her alive. He made her happy. A feeling that showed itself none too often in her lonely life. She longed for someone to make her feel as if she belonged in this world and finally, she had met that someone. It was too complicated though. And they both knew it. Their relationship would come between their work and they had to set their priorities straight.

Although at the moment, they hadn't admitted it to each other, or even themselves for that matter. It wasn't as if it were their feelings were tainted by nostalgia, as much as they were afraid of rejection. Or maybe it was that they were afraid of what others might think. It wasn't usual that Dana cared about what anybody thought, but when it comes to Mulder, she only cared what he thinks.

The feeling of loving him was only fleeting. It was wonderful, until the dark truth set in. The fear, the memories and the possibilities. What did Mulder truly mean to her? Was she only attracted to him because he is the closest male friend that she has? Or were her feelings only because she spent nearly all her days with him, trying to find out the secrets and conspiracies of the shadow government? What was not there with any of her previous partners was there with him. Why? It was the only thing that she could not figure out. Of course she loved him as a friend but-

"-Ully? Scully?"

Mulder snapped his fingers to try to get her attention. As she came back into the realm of reality she realised in horror that she was sitting in her car, outside her apartment. Mulder tapped on the frosty, glass window. what was she thinking? Of course she loved him; as more than a friend. She got out of the car and Mulder followed as they headed into her apartment building, Mulders large hand at the small of her back.

She decided that she was going to show him how much he meant to her and as she suspected, the feelings were mutual.


	2. Chapter 2: Accomplishment

**This chapter wasn't really planned so...sorry if it is really bad. LoveShipper requested. i hope this is everything you wanted :). also, i'm doing this rather than my English essay :$**

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They walked up to her apartment in silence. Her heart was racing, and she was pretty sure his was too. Tonight was the night. And they both could sense it. After a few moments of struggling with the keys, they walked into the room that looked as if it had been swallowed by the darkness. Scully made her way to the kitchen, switching lamps on as she went. Mulder followed.

"Uh, do you want something to drink?"

Her hands were shaking as she put the kettle on and strained up to reach the mugs. Mulder still hadn't said anything yet, but instead just watched her prepare their tea. She could feel his eyes boring into her very soul as she moved about the kitchen. Finally she made her way to the sofa, armed with both the mugs. They both sat down in the darkness, Mulder _still_ not having said a word. What is wrong with him? He hasn't said anything since she left the car. She wondered what he must be thinking about to make him seem _that_ distant. Finally, she got the courage to speak up. She was going to do this, she told herself. She only hoped she was right.

"Mulder, I think we need to have a talk"

"Me too, Dana"

Dana. The hearing of her Christian name on his lips made her heart skip a beat. He looked over at her and had seen what he had been hiding. Desire. She could see it in his eyes. The glazed over pupils that seemed to be looking into her, somehow. He shifted closer to her on the sofa

"Mulder, I have to tell you something and I'm sure that it doesn't really matter and it doesn't have to mean anything if you don-"

Before she could finish her sentence, Mulders lips descended on hers, capturing her in a kiss that the memory of, she would take to the grave. Suddenly her rational mind kicked in and she pulled away.

"Mulder I really think that we need to explain whats happening"

"What's there to explain? Can't you see I'm absolutely, head-over-heels in love with you." Scully took a sharp breath in. "I've been in love with you since the day I met you. I just didn't realise until- until you were taken from me"

Flashbacks of Duane Barry and bright lights raced through her mind. It was painful to remember for both of them.

"Mulder. We need to be careful."

"We will be. We're not some rookie agents who don't know what to do. We're two responsible, consenting adults and there's nothing more that I want in this world but you. I love you."

Scully sighed.

"Mulder, I love you too." She said with an exasperated look on her face.

"But?"

'But- but I'm scared. I'm scared that once we do this 'thing'," she emphasised to the surrounding space "That things can never go back to the way they were. I cherish what we have. You're my best friend. I don't know what I would do without you and I can't risk losing you to some selfish desire of mine."

"Dana Scully, you would never lose me. I'm here for life. No matter what happens I'll always be around to annoy you," He chuckled, "And," he looked over to her, "Don't worry, you'll never get rid of me."

this earned him a playful slap on the arm.

"I can get rid of you whenever I want."

"Oh, really?"

He pushed Scully, so she was laying on the couch and then leaned above her. Her breathing hitched and her heart beat at a dangerously faster rate.

"Maybe so, but I'll always come back"

He leaned down so their faces were only an inch apart,

"I love you, Dana Scully"

Their lips crashed together again, more passionate this time. He licked her bottom lip, asking for entrance, and when she opened her mouth, he plunged his tongue in. She moaned low into his throat, sending a buzzing to his already hard groin. It wasn't long until seven years of repressed sexual tension started to leak over the line of self-control. His hands wandered up her blouse and found her breasts. At his touch, her nipples hardened, and he rubbed his thumbs against them through her black lace bra, before removing her of her shirt. Scully's hands also wandered. Under his shirt, up and down his chest, scraping his back with her nails, before wrapping them behind his neck and pulling him closer to her. Their lips never left each others' as Mulder laid on top of her, balancing his weight on his elbows. He started kissing down her neck, nipping and sucking on the sensitive skin of her throat, making her moan in pleasure again. He kissed down to her chest, slid his hands behind her, undid the clasp on her bra, yanked it off and took one nipple into his mouth, all at the same time. She gasped and her hands instinctively grasped his hair and pushed him further into her chest. He swirled his tongue around her nipple and gently bit it. She was moaning loudly at this point. He repeated this on her other breast, and soon, it wasn't enough for either of them. He moved to ride her skirt up around her hips and take her panties off but she stopped him by rolling him over and straddling his hips. She leaned down and kissed him. She would never forget the warm, wetness of his mouth.

"Too. Many. Clothes" She croaked out between heated kisses.

Mulder immediately started to lift his shirt up, over his head, but she took over, letting her nails scrape over his skin as she did. He moaned at the sensation her fingers were making. She had found his weakness. Once his shirt was off and thrown onto the floor, Mulder started on Scully's skirt, but she once again stopped him. Scully crawled down his legs until she found his waistband. She slipped her fingers underneath it and tugged, urging Mulder to lift his hips, so she could slide it all the way down. When his pants were off, she gasped at his length and took him in her petite hands.

"And what do we have here? Mulder you're so big!"

She stroked him a few times before putting him into her mouth. One of her secrets was, that she loved giving head. Not to random people and strangers or anything; she's not a whore, but she had dreamt of this moment for years and years. This was the perfect chance to show off her skills to him. Her tongue licked his pre-come off the tip of his shaft and her hands fondled his balls.

"Unnghh. Scully. I have been fantasising about this for so long. I love you so much Dana" Mulder groaned.

She let him out of her mouth for a second, to look up at him with loving eyes.

"I love you too, Mulder."

She continued on sucking, all the way down to his base and back up again.

"Ungh, I'm not going to last much longer Scully."

When she felt his balls start to tighten in her hands she stopped, crawled back up to his stomach and straddled him again. Mulder's fingers slid down her stomach,and pushed aside her panties. He slid his fingers in-between her wet folds. He found her clit and started rubbing it vigorously. She moaned his name loudly at the feeling he was creating deep in her stomach. She had never called him by his given name before, bar a few times but it just seemed to roll off her tongue without her even noticing. It felt so right.

"Fox, Oh my god don't stop. Keep going. Please. I neeeed more, Fox!"

He didn't think that anyone could say his name as perfectly as she did. Mulder practically ripped off her panties and at her request to give her more, he thrust two fingers into her tight warmth, while his thumb massaged her swollen bud of nerves. She didn't know how on Earth he could concentrate on doing two things at a time, she thought. He thrust his fingers into her faster than before and she gasped at the sudden change of pace. Absentmindedly, she started moving her hips with his fingers, until she was on the brink of orgasm. She didn't want to come yet, until she had him inside of her, so she rose herself off of his fingers and kissed him again.

"I need you inside of me right now, Fox. I can't wait any longer."

She kissed him deeper this time.

"Fuck, Scull- Dana. I love you so fucking much. Are you sure you want this though. I mean, you might regret-"

"No. I won't- I _don't_ regret anything. I've wanted this for years. I love you more than anyone in this whole world. You complete me. I just need you to fill me now. I need to feel how much you love me. Show me. Make love to me Fox."

He kissed her hard in agreement as he thrust into her so fast that she gasped. It felt like she was being split open, but the pleasure outweighed the pain and a feeling of euphoria washed over her. Only about three-quarters of him was in her, so she pushed down onto him fully. They both gasped in surprise at the penetration. Her hips started to rise and fall to meet with his thrusts. Scully grinded her pelvis bone on him when she sank down and the feeling was overwhelming. She leaned forward to get a better angle, so his shaft was pushing against her clit as he thrust. They could both feel their climaxes getting closer. You can't really blame them though, It's been a LONG time. Mulder wanted her to come before he could have his release, so he sat up, still impaling her, and grabbed a nipple into his mouth. He sucked on it hard, like a hungry baby. Soon, she could feel her own orgasm creeping up behind her.

"Oooh Fox. I'm gonna come. Ah. faster. mmm it feels soooooo good. Keep going." Scully moaned as her climax crept closer.

Mulder thrust up into her faster, groaning as the feeling of her tight, wet warmth, enveloped his entire shaft. His efforts made her come faster than she expected.

"Oh Fuuuuuuuck yeaaaaaah mmmm I'm coming Fox."

She threw her head back while her entire body was spasming as the waves crashed over her. Her knees felt weak and she made no more effort to raise her hips. Mulder felt her wetness leak down his shaft and onto her sofa. He groaned at the sensation of actually being inside Dana Scully. The feeling made him come inside her more than he has ever come before.

"Fuuuuuuck Dana Yeeaaah unghhhhhh god. you're so tight."

She felt him coming in her and she surprised herself when she felt another wave of pleasure as she came for the second time in minutes.

"Ohhh god Fox. I'm coming again. What do you do to me?"

When they had finished coming, they lay there together, Scully still on top. Once the last surges of pleasure had worn off, she sighed as he had become soft inside of her. She slid off and out of him. She was still breathing heavily when he turned to rest his head on her chest. They were exhausted.

"I love you Dana. So, so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

She looked up at him, to find Mulder already gazing down at her, eyes damp.

"I love you too. I wish it were that easy though. I mean, we have our work to worry about, and what will Skinner do if he or anyone else ever finds out? They'll split us-"

Mulder cut her off.

"Don't worry. It won't affect our working relationship and who cares if anyone finds out? I mean, everybody in the FBI already thinks that there is something going on between us. I mean, it's not like they even _need_ to be FBI agents to figure that out."

"I guess you're right." Scully yawned. "I truly do love you Mulder. More than I've loved anybody."

"I know. and I love you. Hey, Scully, what were you doing sitting in that car, staring off into space? You seemed so out of it..."

"I was thinking, Mulder"

"About what?"

"About you. About life. About how _you_ came to be so important in my _life._ "

You're an important part of my life too Scully. Actually, you're the only thing in my life that is important." He looked over to Scully, who's eyelids were already drooping. " But we can talk more about it in the morning, because right now you need to sleep. In fact, I think we both need to sleep."

"mmm okay."

Mulder lifted Scully up into his arms and carried her off into the bedroom. She fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow and Mulder drifted off soon after, cuddling up behind her.

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 **I hope you liked this. I know that it wasn't necessarily 'lovemaking' as it was frantic and desperate aha but I was really having a tough time trying to write the actual sex scene soo yeah. I don't think that there will be another chapter after this unless it is requested enough because, frankly, I am really busy with school and my grades and i just typed the first chapter as a 1 shot. anyway i hope you enjoyed. Please review.**


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